Parenting, by definition, should be an act of raising—elevating, cultivating, and shaping children to become responsible, disciplined, wise, and emotionally mature individuals. But nowadays, very few parents are truly raising their children. Most are lowering them, surrendering the responsibility of shaping their character, values, and resilience to external forces—culture, entertainment, peer influence, and the ever-demanding world of digital distractions.
To raise a child is to lift them up, but to lower them is to let them fall. And too many parents today are allowing their children to be shaped by whatever gravity pulls hardest—be it social media, unchecked emotions, or a world that prizes convenience over character.
1. Lowering Through Neglectful Parenting
Many parents today are physically present but emotionally absent. The demands of work, personal ambitions, or simply exhaustion have left parenting as an afterthought. Instead of raising their children with active guidance, discipline, and intentional investment, they lower them by default—allowing the digital world, influencers, and peer groups to shape their worldview.
A child left to raise themselves is not being raised at all; they are simply growing wild, untethered from wisdom, self-discipline, and a moral compass. A tree without a stake to guide its early growth doesn’t grow tall and strong—it bends under pressure, vulnerable to every passing storm.
2. Lowering Through Overindulgence: The Illusion of Love Without Discipline
Some parents lower their children not through neglect, but through excess—mistaking indulgence for love. They believe that showering their children with extravagant gifts, constant praise, and a life free of struggle is a form of care. But in reality, overindulgence creates entitlement, fosters ingratitude, and distorts a child’s sense of self-worth.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating a child, providing good things, or creating joyful experiences. The problem arises when there is no counterbalance—when children receive without learning to give, when they are celebrated without learning to celebrate others, and when they are given luxury without learning contentment.
a) The Danger of Extravagant Birthdays Without Purpose
Parents today often throw elaborate, extravagant birthday parties for their children—multi-day events, themed parties costing thousands, social media-worthy experiences designed more for the appearance than the meaning of the celebration. Again, there is nothing wrong with celebration in itself. But when a child is only ever at the center of the celebration and never taught to celebrate others, a dangerous mindset begins to form:
- The world revolves around me.
- My happiness matters more than others’.
- I deserve extravagance simply because I exist.
What happens when such a child is invited to someone else’s simpler celebration? Will they be able to celebrate with joy, or will they compare and belittle? What happens when they grow into adults who expect life to give them grand displays of affection at every turn?
Instead of indulgent celebrations that reinforce self-centeredness, what if birthdays became opportunities to serve?
- What if, alongside their gifts, a child chose a charity to donate to?
- What if they celebrated their milestone by giving back in some way—feeding the homeless, visiting an elderly home, or helping a less fortunate friend?
- What if birthday parties included a tradition where the child verbalized their gratitude—not just for gifts, but for the people in their life?
Without this balance, extravagant birthdays raise children who expect applause from life but have never learned to clap for others.
b) Branding a Child’s Worth: The Trap of Materialism
Another form of overindulgence comes from clothing children in material status symbols—the latest gadgets, the most famous sneakers, the brand-name clothing that gives them instant social validation. Parents often do this out of love, wanting their children to have what they didn’t. But in doing so, they unknowingly send a dangerous message:
“What you wear is what makes you valuable.”
Instead of building their child’s self-worth from the inside out, they emphasize outward appearance:
- Instead of teaching confidence in who they are, they teach confidence in what they own.
- Instead of instilling contentment, they feed the craving for more, more, more.
- Instead of shaping identity through character, they allow it to be shaped through consumerism.
And what happens when this child encounters someone without these luxuries? Will they see a peer or an inferior? Will they be able to form relationships based on values and shared experiences, or will their friendships be dictated by who can afford to keep up?
A child who always has the best of everything but has never been taught gratitude or humility is being lowered, not raised.
c) When Everything Comes Easy, Nothing Has Meaning
The most dangerous part of overindulgence is that it removes struggle from a child’s life. But struggle is necessary for growth.
- A child who has never had to work for anything will never develop perseverance.
- A child who has never been told “no” will never learn discipline.
- A child who has never lacked anything will never know true gratitude.
Overindulgence lowers a child by giving them everything except the things that matter most:
- A sense of responsibility
- An understanding of sacrifice
- A heart of gratitude
- The ability to endure
A child who grows up without these qualities will struggle in adulthood. When they encounter rejection, when life doesn’t hand them what they expect, when their self-worth is no longer propped up by luxury, they will crumble.
Teaching a Child to Rise, Not Sink
If we want to raise children instead of lowering them, we must counterbalance indulgence with:
- Purposeful Celebration – Teaching them that joy is not just about receiving but also about giving.
- Inner Worth Over Outer Status – Instilling confidence in their character, not their clothing.
- Gratitude and Contentment – Helping them appreciate what they have instead of always craving more.
- Struggle and Sacrifice – Allowing them to experience effort, discipline, and the joy of earning something.
To raise a child means to equip them for life, not just to entertain them for childhood. Overindulgence feels like love in the moment, but in the long run, it cripples more than it elevates.b.
3. Lowering Through Fear and Avoidance
Many parents lower their children because they are afraid—afraid to discipline, afraid to be the “bad guy,” afraid that correction will make them unpopular. In a world that promotes “gentle parenting” as the avoidance of firm correction, many parents have confused love with permissiveness.
A child who is never corrected does not grow into a free-thinking, self-actualized adult—they grow into someone ruled by impulse, unable to handle correction from life, work, or relationships. A child unchallenged by their parents will be challenged by the world in ways far less merciful.
To raise a child is to guide them even when they resist, knowing that discomfort in discipline today prevents destruction tomorrow. To lower them is to step aside, letting them stumble through life without structure, until the world teaches them lessons far harsher than a loving parent ever would.
4. Lowering Through the Absence of Moral and Spiritual Anchors
Another form of lowering is raising children without grounding them in values, faith, or a strong sense of right and wrong. When morality becomes relative, when truth is whatever feels good, and when children are raised without clear ethical foundations, they drift through life without direction.
A parent who raises a child teaches them not just how to succeed but how to live with integrity. A parent who lowers a child allows them to be shaped by whatever values are most convenient at the moment.
A child raised without truth will be lowered into confusion.
The Call to Raise, Not Lower
To truly raise a child is to lift them toward their highest potential, equipping them with:
- Wisdom to navigate life’s complexities
- Discipline to master their impulses
- Resilience to face hardship with courage
- Faith and values to stand firm in a world of shifting morals
- Love and correction to shape them into honorable, selfless individuals
To lower a child is to neglect these responsibilities, allowing convenience, avoidance, or external influences to shape them instead.
Children do not rise on their own. They need parents who are willing to invest, correct, teach, and love—not just in ways that feel easy, but in ways that shape them into people of strength, character, and purpose.
A parent must choose daily: will I raise my child today, or will I lower them? The difference is not just in the methods—it is in the outcome.